I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think my nap took me to another dimension
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize