Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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