I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
