FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
