Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize