My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
