You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want to make out with him forever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize