If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
