Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
