member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
