I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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