dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Randomize
