I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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