I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
