I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
