Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
