I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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