i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
