My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
