Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
