I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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