You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
