I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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