census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize