i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
