apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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