whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
