Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
