wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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