How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
