I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can i not drive my cunt home
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
