oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Holy sore nipples Batman
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
