the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
