I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Buhtt sex?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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