i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
