He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
as a side note pls kill me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
