My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
