I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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