areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
