Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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