Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
