at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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