I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
