His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize