yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
