i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
