i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
tell me about the eggs
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
