So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
