I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize