i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
