It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
