You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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