Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this boner is exhausting
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
