People in love make me want to vomit
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
