Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
