"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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