I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
