I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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