So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
