You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
