You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
