Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
