it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
