brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
