well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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