I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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