my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
