After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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