I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
