I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
