Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
