maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
