i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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