I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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