Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
