well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
