My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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