I'm going to jail i love you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
