she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
