Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My feet surprised me
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