By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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