My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
