Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
