wrigley field is MILF paradise
i love accidental penises.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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