could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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