you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
