She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
