Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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