I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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