how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
