WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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