After last night, I could never be a politician.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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