Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize