I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
