Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize