ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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