I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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