what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
