if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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