Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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