put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
