so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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