Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
