Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
