What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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