Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize