there's paper in my vomit.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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